"Napa Valley is an imitation of Chablis." - Random thoughts of a tour guide

Now that my pictures are uploaded and I'm in a new apartment with better Wifi (more on that later), I can properly do a blog post. I know everyone is bursting with excitement to read my thoughts and check out my pictures, here's a suggestion: if you're not my parents or SUPER into wine, this blog post is not for you. Wait until after Switzerland so you can see the fun pictures. Moving on.

Wednesday night, Rick invited...a few people over to celebrate the end of the week. Maybe just to celebrate, but I'm not sure. Regardless, it was a night of good, clean fun with our favorite LSU LAWers. Or something like that.

Rick and I take this picture at every function. Why? Because we're adorable. 

Patrick Photobomb Morris. 

The first bed and breakfast...aka Texas Chainsaw. 

Class on Thursday was a struggle, but we managed. We grabbed our car from Hertz and began our journey to Chablis. The first night was spent in some unknown village. I legitimately have no idea what city or town we were in. Pulling up to the bed and breakfast, all I could think of was "Texas Chainsaw Massacre". It was huge, with red bricks, an iron fence, and big, barking dogs. Yep, I was going to have to go all Jessica Biel on some guy and protect Tim. Typical.

We stroll in and meet the nicest lady ever. She speaks pretty good English and is over-the-top welcoming. She shows us to our rooms, and here's what we're given:

My balcony, which overlooks a vineyard and a field with cows. Real cows. 

Part of my sitting room

The bathroom. ZOMG.

So, in addition to this heaven-in-a-bed-and-breakfast, the place has air conditioning. Real, life air conditioning. Not that we needed it. The French countryside is somehow cooler than Lyon. At this B&B, it was in the 50s outside, and in Lyon, in the 80s. This B&B had everything and we could NOT believe how lucky we were.

Our landlord suggested we head to a town called Auxerre. Located about 25 kilometers away, it was a drive for these Americans. However, she told us about this weekend-long party France was having, due to some French holiday. Similar to Mardi Gras, she claimed, this was the place we needed to be.

Obviously, this was about 10 times more than I needed to hear. Mardi Gras? In France? We were on our way in about 10 minutes. After I fully charged my camera, of course.

We arrive in Auxerre to only Frenchies. No one spoke English, which really was awesome. Timothy and I are basically fluent (not really) and no one seems to give us that "What are the Americans doing here?" look anymore. Thank goodness.

The pizza place we chose

We check out this little pizza place, after Timothy checked out and said no to about 50 other restaurants. Not that I mind! I love going into countless restaurants, awkwardly looking around, then leaving with a quick "Merci! Au revoir!" Totes kidding.








We sit down and order a bottle of their Petit Chablis. We knew we were checking out a Chablis vineyard the next day, so we HAD to try the wine just before. It was ice cold and delicious, so much better than any wine I've ever tasted. Why is the wine so much better in France? Aside from the home-grown feel, it is also MUCH colder here. They drink their whites and reds cold, which I appreciate and will be practicing in the states.

Timothy orders some raw meat appetizer that "he's always wanted to try." Of course, we eat the entire thing.

Raw meat? Love it. 

Next, we both order pizzas. As previously stated, I'm hesitant to order pizza in France. We are going to Italy in two weeks. However, he seemed pretty excited about this pizza, so I gave in (typical).

I was not prepared for the perfection that was subsequently plated. This pizza was the most amazing concoction ever...concocted. Perfect crust, wayyy too much cheese, ridiculous amounts of ham and mushrooms, all blended together and topped with an egg.

This picture deserves to be bigger. 

Happy plates!

Are you jealous yet? I cannot properly describe the intensity of flavor in my mouth during this..experience. It was not a meal; it really was an experience. Of course, my experience was cut short by Tim deciding he liked mine better, so I shared about half with him. Thank goodness I have him to help me watch my weight during this vacation. We then finished our meal/drooling with espresso.

Espresso. DUH! 

Happy customer!

After dinner, I just HAD to tell the chef how it was "legitimately the best pizza of my life". He seemed extremely excited; apparently flattery goes far in France.

Leaving the restaurant, the streets were packed. It really was like Mardi Gras. Almost everyone was screaming and drunk, and there were out-of-place children everywhere. Every corner had a band jamming, and every street had piles and piles of food/alcohol vendors. It was amazing.

One of the streets. 

Not wanting to ruin my night by drinking too much, we decided to stroll around, talk to people, and find hidden awesomeness of Auxerre. We found this GREAT bakery, where of course, I purchased one too many sweets. 

How they wrapped my treats at the bakery! 

Some adorable snacks

 We walked a bit more, and found a cool chocolate place that molded the chocolate to look like cool objects. We found golf balls for Timothy and a Champagne bottle for me.

Timothy, being French. 

We found the justice building, which also had an act playing. it was some guy spinning music and a little dubstep. Dubstep at the justice building? I can roll with that.

Bassnectar has nothing on this guy. 

Leaving, we saw this great little Frenchie jamming on the accordion. Remember how I told you there's always music in the background in France? He wasn't an act; just a guy on a corner playing the accordion. All Timothy and I need is a plate of spaghetti and some meatballs to make this totally Disney-material.

Driving home, I snapped this cool picture. Remember how I said it gets dark REALLY late in France? Check the time. It says "21:56", which is 9:56 at night. And it's that light outside. Go figure.

Say whattt?

So that was our night in Auxerre. An early night in, we rested up for our vineyard tour the next morning. Not knowing what to expect, I was a little nervous. But I trusted Timothy and his event-planning skills and it was perfect.

The view on our 20 km drive to Chablis. 

We meet our tour guide at the Chablis Office de Tourisme. He's kind and funny, and offers to drive our rental car since we obviously have no idea how to incline that thing. 

He starts our drive going off-road in our little Mini Fiat, weaving and turning at about 100 mph through vineyards. Great, I thought, we're about to run over 500-year-old vines. Luckily, we park about 5 miles in and get out. 

My first sight in the first vineyard is a transformer. I was waiting for Michael Bay to yell "CUT" or something. He didn't. 

BUMBLEBEE?

Our tour guide, Eric Swociz (sp?), was the most knowledgeable person about wine ever. He teaches classes to Americans, Frenchies, and just about everyone. Wine magazines call him to get advice and information about wine. Tomorrow, he's leading 33 Harvard professors around Chablis to teach them about wine. That's how intense this guy is.

A Chablis crop

 To begin our tour and class, he tells us about the four classifications of Chablis wine, which is 100% Chardonnay: petit Chablis, Chablis, Premier Cru, and Grand Cru. An easy way to differentiate between these, he said, was "When your friends come over, you pop open a petit Chablis. When your friends and family come over, you pop open a bottle of Chablis. When your friends leave and it's just your family, pop open a Premier Cru. When everyone leaves and it is you and your lover, you pop open your Grand Cru." This helped me understand, and I'll be forever quoting him.

Add caption

So here's your crash course in Chablis wines. Chablis is not a type of wine; it is a style of wine-making ONLY made in the Chablis region. It is the soil used. Our guide said, "People who don't know wine think you drink the vine. You do not drink the vine used, you drink the soil."

Rocks

The Chablis wines are grown from very rocky soil. The soil consists of limestone and clay. It has a very technical name, which I cannot pronounce or remember. Basically, 150 million years ago, this area was covered by water. Today, the soil is lush and perfect underneath, with layers and layers of clay, limestone, and oyster fossils. Yes, oysters. This is what makes the Chablis region the best.

Each classification is also on a different part of the slope. At the top, you have your petit chablis. A little lower, you have your Chablis. At the botttom/low middle, you have your Premier Cru. Then at the bottom, your Grand Cru. The Grand Cru also ONLY faces the South, to get the most sunlight during the most hours of the day. What makes a Chablis wine better? The sunlight. Amazing.

The hybrid 

We then inspected the vines. In France, wine and wine-making is strictly regulated and enforced. To protect the vine, the French have a hybrid that, by law, must be on the bottom of the vine. In the above picture, the top of the knot is a French vine, and underneath, the American vine. The knot is the place it is intertwined. This is to protect vines from parasites that, in the past, completely wiped out the vineyards. Now, it is a law that every vine must have this. 

Next, we looked at where the grapes form. In the next picture, the little flowers he is pointing to protect the grape. The little buds are actually, baby grapes. So adorable. 

Where the grapes form.

Timothy, checking out the hybrids.

So we started our tour at the vineyards, learning about growing the vines. This is the beginning of wine making. We stayed there about 3 hours, learning and listening (and taking pictures). It was a great first lesson.

Next, he brings us to this house. I'm thinking, "Great. Texas Chainsaw part 2." False. We meet this woman, who leads us to her cellar...an ACTUAL WINE CELLAR. 

Wine, aging and fermenting

These huge vats held the wine she's making. Most were petit chablis and chablis, aging for one to two years. It was about 30 degrees in this room, and I was thanking the Lord I brought my jacket.

We just love wine making.

So we saw how she collected the wine and aged it. Next, we move to more aging.

Delish. 

After we toured her aging/fermenting place, it was time for the wine tasting. See these 10 wines? All for our one wine tasting at 11AM.

The wine maker. 

During our first glass, Tim and I are swallowing it and enjoying our wine. Finally, our guide says, "You know, we'll be drinking wine all day...you don't have to swallow all of it." With a good laugh, we learned how to spit out wine. It was tough at first, spitting out $90/bottle wine, but made more sense.

I learned about oaks, honeys, mushrooms, corks, and just about everything in wine tasting. Good advice? After you uncork a wine and pour your glass, don't swirl it; smell it immediately. You need to smell the cork mingled with the wine at first. After, you can swirl it, immediately place your nose in the glass, and smell it. Identify the smells and commit them to memory.

Timothy, just smelling wine all day.

Another good thing: every wine smells different to every person. So Timothy cannot tease me for claiming some wines smell like "mildew" or "an airport". Eric says it's okay.

We love this wine maker!

10 glasses of wine later, we were finished. We purchased 5 bottles from this lady, and were on our way. Thank you for this amazing experience!

Grand cru, baby!

Next, we checked out the Grand Cru vineyards. These wines run about 100 euros per bottle. This is $140. 

Nom nom expensive wine!

Our guide liked us so much, he took us to lunch. We went about 20 minutes outside of Chablis to a small village called Irancy. There, Eric opened an older bottle of Pinot Noir. I really hate red wine, so this was tough for me. However, this red wine was ice cold...and delicious. I told you...wine is better in France. So now, I'm a red wine drinker.

My salad, nom nom

Espresso? You got it. 

 On the way to the second wine-maker place, we saw a cherry tree. I freaked out, so Eric pulled over and let me have my photo shoot.

Timothy loves picking cherries. 

Although these cherries weren't ripe, they were juicy and sweet. I ate a few, and it was time to move on.

Checking out some Sauvignon vines. 

On the way to the second cellar, we saw these poppies. Eric informed us that these poppies were natural, and only grow on vineyards that have "the best soil". Sometimes, wine makers will plant poppies to make their vineyards seem better, but the fake ones are never this beautiful.

Our next cellar was the brothers of Bersan. It was super nice and clean, different than the previous "family" type cellar.

Their logo. 

 I wasn't so sure what to expect here. It was pristine and mostly white, which was cool upstairs. We were immediately led downstairs, however, and the temperature dropped to around 30 degrees F.

His cellars are from the 900s. The monks made wine down here, and took cover here during some French Revolution. It was deep underground, and FREEZING. There was almost no light, and spiderwebs everywhere. 

He showed us where the monks made wine. In the picture underneath, this is where the grapes would come down a chute, and people would stomp on it to get the juice. 

I love Lucy anyone?

See that gray bucket? That's where you spit your wine. 

 We toured the cellar and saw amazing pre-historic wine-making objects. Eric tricked Timothy into sticking his hand in this hole. I freaked out, but everything turned out all right. In the 1500s, the owner's great-great-great-grandfather stuck a HUGE wine bottle in here. With the heat and erosion, the hole closed up, and now, the huge wine bottle (filled with wine) is stuck inside. There are about 10 of these around the cellar, which is hilarious. Apparently, this wine is a pure vintage and would be worth 1000s.

I was not a happy girlfriend during this. 

In the cellars. 

Where the monks crushed the grapes. 

After a tour, we tried about 10 more wines. Here, we could swallow our tastings. It was...awesome. Luckily, Eric was driving so we weren't too concerned.

Wine tasting

Some of the wines we tasted. 

Red wine? TOLD YOU I LIKED IT NOW!

After the tastings, the wines were so delicious that we needed to purchase a few. Only three, Mom!

Nom nom!

After our tour, we hung out in Chablis to get to know the area (aka walk off those 10 wines). A few hours later, we checked into another bed and breakfast.

Timothy loves windows. 

I love windows, too. Our view rules. 

 The place is great, and we throw our stuff in our two-bedroom suite and hit the town. Dinner is at "Grand Cru of Chablis," which is delicious. My appetizer is slices of ham and cheese, just my style. Just Timsiez's style, too, since he ate half. ;)

Appetizer!

My entree was a chicken shishkabob thing, which is awesome. I'm not saying too much because my wine was still a little fresh in my mind.

Shish, baby!

For dessert, Timothy convinced me to get the creme brulee. It was absolutely delicious; rich, creamy, and perfect. Mr. Timmy, this would have totally blown your mind. 

Perfection.  

After dinner, we chatted with a few more Frenchies. We thought Chablis was a small town, and it is. Everyone knows everyone. Everywhere we walked, people exclaimed, "Are you the people from Louisiana?" Every mother, father, and grandmother knew who we were. It was amazing. This is better than everyone asked me if I'm from Australia, which happened in Paris (really? Australia?). 

After this shindig, we went back to the B&B and watched French soap operas. Dramatic and foreign, I loved it. 

For those who never have visited Europe, these are euros. They look like Monopoly money.

Do not collect 200 dollars.

We woke up yesterday morning and decided to go to Dijon. Like I said, I love mustard (not really). The ride was only about 2 hours, and it was on the way to Lyon. Perfect. 

Bye, bye, Chablis!

 On the way to Dijon, we have to grab gas and some food. This is our car and Timothy pumping gas:

Amazing. 

 The drive was fun and easy. We saw more amazing French countryside, with rolling hills and about 20 more vineyards. Perfect.

Levasseur (our professor) would be so proud!

Dijon is amazing. It's a huge city with a small town feel. We walked around, shopped, found a few restaurants, and took too many pictures. Dijon is more of a day-trip, rather than 2-day trip, so we'll remember that my next time in France. 

We saw this awesome carousel from 1900, and we joked about some guy bicycling it to make it run. It legitimately ran about 1 mph. No way kids were having fun on that thing.

Hey, kids. Hope that snail-slow carousel is awesome. 

 Next, we found a few little shops and bought some mustard, of course.

After, we needed dinner. So we walked around, checked out about 10 places, took pictures (see the following),

Timothy and his homeland. Ms. Tracy, I'll send this to you! :) 

After about 20 minutes of restaurant-searching, we found this little gem. Some Italian place (typical) with media images from the past 100 years.

The owners took all of these pictures from random stores since 1900, and now have them hanging up in their restaurants. 

 With Timothy's new wine-smelling/tasting skills, we ordered a new bottle of wine and tried it out.

Sniffing and loving wine. 

Appetizer: egg, sausage, and bread. 

Our courses were pretty delicious, as usual. I can't even get into describing French food. It's always new, it's always delicious, and I'm always mind blown. Hayyy.

Dessert. 

We had a long day and desperately needed some rest, so we headed back to the B&B after dinner. 

Nom nom dessert

You know I needed dessert.

Best cafe ever

We had every intention of checking out the Dijon Cathedral this morning for mass, but neither of our wake-up calls worked. Typical.

So instead, we walked Dijon, found awesome cafes, and took pictures. GO figure.

The most delicious chocolate mousse thing ever.

This picture is so awkward. 

 Remember random guys playing accordien? Here ya go, again!

Ladyyy and the Trampppp

Place we bought mustard!

Right before we left, we asked an English lady to take our picture in front of their Notre Dame. This is what we got:

Ehh.

After this unfortunate picture, we decided to leave. Just kidding, not really. We drove the hour to Lyon, and arrived at my awful apartment. My appointment to view the new place was not until 6, so we needed a little dinner first. We tried a few places, most of which are closed. On Sundays in France, stores are closed. They love observing this day of rest. Apparently, sipping wine and eating delicious food is exhausting during the week, and the only way to rest is to close everything on Sundays. Whatever.

We check out this new place on this random road. It seems legit, and the special is okay. 

My salad lyonnais. 

 My salad was okay. The egg was runny, so I gave most of it to Timothy.

With my wine, pre-incident. 

Hell.

Our entrees came, and mine was delicious. Chicken and some broth with rice. Totally amazing. All was so well, that I even took a picture of the restaurant sign:

During my meal, I went to sip my wine. Suddenly, I felt this sharp pain on my tongue. Thinking it was a chicken bone, I reached in and grabbed it. False. It's about 4 pieces of glass. On my tongue. 

Anyway, after a bit of bleeding and aching, I get the glass out of my tongue. Apparently, the wine bottle was broken. 

This is me, sad because of my bleeding tongue. I thought you'd want to see.

After calming Timothy down for about 10 minutes, we finally told our waitress. She was totally not understanding and actually, a huge witch about it. Did I want more wine? No, I do not want to subject myself to AIDS and HIV through your unqualified and shattered wine service. Yes, I might be overreacting, but my tongue was bleeding and Timothy riled me up.

The waitress brought us our bill and "only made us pay for one glass of wine". After a few deep breaths (for Timothy's sake), we paid the bill and left. Needless to say, this restaurant will get a nasty e-mail AND review on tripadvisor.com.

Now, we get to check out the new apartment. It is AMAZING. The landlord was laughing at me because I kept gasping and squealing at the most insignificant things (drink glasses? ice trays? these things are luxuries here!). Anyway, I rented it immediately, and moved in about 10 minutes later.

My new bedroom. 

The living room.

I'm sorry this was such a long post, but my parents want to know everything about my life. Don't act like you didn't check out every picture.

Stay tuned for this week's crazy adventures/Timothy tricking me into walking 20 miles a day.